“Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not okay, it’s not the end”- John Lennon
I wish I heard this saying years back.
In my experience of overcoming hardships I’ve seen that the doom and gloom periods in our lives aren’t the end. I came across a story of Thuso Mbedu, one of South Africa’s internationally recognized actresses. She spoke of how in the year 2016 she was suffering and contemplating suicide, fast forward 4 years later she’s in a huge TV production in the US and living her wildest dreams. This, is the same lady that had almost taken her life a couple of years back. Everything wasn’t ok with her in the previous years and true to the saying, it really wasn’t the end.
Now closer to home, my testimony. Contrary to Thuso I was actually in the middle of my wildest dreams when i battled the negative thoughts that eventually led to suicidal thoughts. I was in my dream workplace with the coolest colleagues and superiors.
Although my professional life was thriving, my personal life wasn’t. I experienced a health issue and I took it upon myself to identify myself as the health issue. I had an infection that tormented me for a good 3 years, I ignored it for a long time because ignorance was bliss but deep down in my heart it really hurt me until it couldn’t stay hidden in my thoughts and it overcame me.
Countless doctors appointments later and I still was sick. I just didn’t understand because in my head these were the people that were supposed to help me yet here I was, still sick.
I got in a funk and within that funk the suicidal thoughts started. A loud raging voice in my head telling me to just jump off the building, to end my life because it wasn’t worth it and my whole body is an infection. The voice was so loud, I’d look forward to sleeping so I’d just be at peace. Some nights were peaceful but one night I woke up sweating, heart-beating fast and seeing no end to my misery (my first panic attack struck mid-sleep). It was in that day that I knew I needed divine intervention, honestly God was my last resort in the dilemma I was faced with 🚩.
Although I was embarrassed on how I felt and the thoughts I had, I really wanted to come out of the incomplete state I felt I was in. I knew in my heart that something was missing and if I could fill that hole I’d be okay with myself. Funny enough, I thought the missing piece was my health restored. My mom organized a session with our church pastor, I was reassured that God is present in every situation of my life and that he loves me. I was comforted after that session don’t get me wrong, but I still was battling these awful thoughts and I really wanted them gone.
Leading up to the day I got Saved, God showed himself mighty.
⬇️
Story time: so there’s this close colleague of mine who had an all night prayer at her church in the furthest town you can possibly imagine, she had been organizing the prayer for a solid month, I’d listen to her share the ups and downs of organizing such a large event. All along I had no interest in attending the prayer.
⬆️
Now back to the testimony; Why do i say God showed himself mighty? Well something my favorite TV Pastor likes saying is “there’s no coincidence with the Lord”. So God actually put me in the same institution with a lady who would organize an all night prayer at around the same time I was losing my mind. In that all night prayer, I would give my life to the Lord and be overcome by the Holy Spirit and never look back again. Till this day, I’m grateful I met her.
Although I actually went through the toughest period in my life, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It taught me who I really am and who I’m not. My identity is in Christ, anything in between is not who I am. Till this very day that fact keeps me going through the good and bad days (because bad days don’t stop, it’s just your perspectives about them that changes and makes them more bearable).
Although today’s blog did not have much scriptures and had a quote from a Rockstar 🤣 I hope I still brought across that God is present in our lives even before we consciously form a relationship with him. He still aligns everything for us to come into our real selves, His children.
✝️11All things are done according to God’s plan and decision; and God chose us to be his own people in union with Christ because of his own purpose, based on what he had decided from the very beginning. 12Let us, then, who were the first to hope in Christ, praise God’s glory!
Ephesians 1:11-12